I am the best and the worst at self-care. I have no problem deciding how I would like to treat myself. Sometimes, me-time comes in the form of a tea-excursion to a tea house, apothecary, or co-op, I have yet to visit. Sometimes, I get a long, deep-tissue massage or simply take a long bath with my beloved essential oils or bath bombs. Other times, me-time is a cleaning spree, de-cluttering my home or office space. Whatever the methodology, me-time and self-care, never seems to involve the thing I probably need the most - rest.
I have a pausing problem. Even as I write this post, I am keenly aware that this would be the perfect time for me to wrap myself with a thick comforter and fall into sweet slumber. Everyone else went to bed when we came home, around 6:30pm. I sat in a chair, wondering what to do. I thought about cooking for the church potluck tomorrow, crocheting, and a host of other activities that would function as "white noise" as I planned for future obligations. This is me resting. My rest is motion. Perhaps I take after my mother, who also does not know how to be still.
I have been able to be completely present at choir rehearsal, when I had the time to participate; in hot yoga, where the instructor helps to refocus my wondering mind to the here-and-now; when sitting or standing by any large body of water, especially the ocean; when hiking; when worshiping - especially with my youngest daughter; and many times when drinking a cup of tea. Being present and being still are not the same thing, but I think that one needs the first to have the latter. Lately, I have been trying to be more present. Life's needs often gets in the way of this practice, but I am trying. Perhaps, like Algren in the Last Samurai, I have "too many mind." My husband tells me that there are always ideas and plans being formed in my head. He worries that I do not sleep enough. Other people say, that you can sleep when you are dead, but that thinking may lead me to an early grave. I am seeking the peace that passes all understanding and I think that means I have to simply choose to be still and give up the to-dos and the planning, trusting that all will be well.
In a previous post, I wrote about the ego getting in the way of the ability to be still and at peace. What makes me so important that I cannot be still and silent for an hour? What will apart? If it, whatever that it may be, falls apart, how would me not being still have prevented the outcome? Being still and fully present is being willing to relinquish control. It is accepting that you were not truly in control and that reality is just fine. So I am going to go rest and be of one mind. Having "too many mind" is quite exhausting. I choose to pause.
Here, I share new discoveries and thoughts about things I love. Ride along with me. Comments are welcomed and appreciated.
Tea Houses I Love